Bravely Schooling

 

My name is Jennifer.  I am the wife of Bryan who retired from the Army after serving 23 years.  I am the mother of a beautiful 17 year old daughter who is a senior in high school and has been accepted to Texas Tech for the fall of 2016 to study to become a physical therapist.  I have a talented 13 year old son who is already an excellent chef and loves listening to the Beatles and Paul Simon.  I am also blessed with twin boys who are 9 that are as different as night and day.  One is very outgoing and loves puppies and makes people smile with his boisterous take on life.  The other is quiet and very focused, he hears EVERYTHING and is always learning.

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Being Brave.  I don’t think of myself as brave.  Writing this definitely qualifies for me. First off, I am very lucky my parents introduced God to me as the ideal parent-one that is full of love, kindness, compassion and that wants the best for me.  He wants me to make good choices, but allows me the freedom to go down a path that He would rather I not go down and then is there for me when I am stumbling and ask for help-He helps me find my footing and get back on a path.

With that being said I am one of the many who come from a broken home.  For a while as a child I thought that God was punishing me for being selfish and being so focused on material things that when I got the preemie cabbage patch doll for my 10th birthday and  found out that my parents were divorcing I thought that my focus on the doll that I wanted cost me my parents.  Needless to say I struggled while my parents had a very bitter divorce that left me wondering if I was the least bit lovable.  After all, if I was half of each of them and they hated each other so much how could they ever love me.  This brings me to where I began to be brave.

I have had a long journey and God has been there with me from being a 20 year old single mom, to marrying a soldier and much more.  I am going to share with you a little bet about this journey and how God has worked through me and helped me be brave several times.

When I was 20 years old I found myself pregnant and chose to become a mom.  As I drove to work the song Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks came on the radio and I realized that God was giving me a chance to see Him answer a prayer, not the way I was expecting, but in another way if I was willing to let Him work through me.  I had been praying for someone to love unconditionally for years.  Here I was pregnant.  Children are a lot of work, but I saw this pregnancy as a gift-a chance to step onto a new path.  So I stepped out in faith and became a mom.  I did not marry my daughters father-I had grown up in a house where my parents hated each other and I wanted my child to grow up knowing she was loved and wanted.  Her biological was not ready to be a dad and said so, so we amicably parted ways and to this day-soon to be 18 years this March I have no regrets with that choice.  I hold no ill will towards him and she knows of him and that he wanted the best for her.  To be loved and have a family that loved her.  Talk about being surrounded by God!  He blessed me so beautifully by opening a door to allow me to see something differently.

My life changed a lot in March of 1998.  I accepted that God loved me and wanted me.  I then saw that I was going to need to be a mom that focused on my child.  I was not going to look for a man in my life, just be the best mom I could be.  Well after much convincing some friends convinced me that I could be a great mom and still go out with friends sometimes.  In August of 1999 I met my husband out at a dance club when I went out with some friends.   I was a preschool teacher and only out to spend some time with my girlfriends.  My now husband asked me to dance and I turned him down.  I thought that I did not deserve to have any one else in my life since I was a mom and had committed myself to being a mom and staying on the path that I thought I was supposed to be on.  For some reason my husband came back and asked me to dance again.  As you may guess I said yes.  Talk about scary.  I was sure that I was going to be single until my daughter turned 18, but that was not the case.  Bryan was in the Army-super new territory for me-I had no clue about the military at all!  We married in November of 2000 and I found myself learning to trust in God a little more.  We moved to Fort Huachuca and had a son.  God was slowly pushing me out of my comfort zones more and more.  He was there as I learned how to be an army wife and lean on people outside of my family.  In 2004 He was there in the form of human angels who helped me when we lost a baby while Bryan was in Korea.  They took care of my kids and sat with me while I lost that little one.

When Bryan returned from Korea we moved to San Antonio and found surprise surprise we were expecting twins!  I had a really hard time trusting and struggled with my faith while I was pregnant.  I was once again in a new city and expecting.  I knew no one and after the loss the year before I was just scared.  Those first two years here were hard.  I had not connected into the community and called my friends out of state all the time crying and praying that God would help me stop hurting.  This prayer was answered when I called my friend one day and she had just gone with another friend who was speaking to a MOPS group in Colorado Springs.  She said they would pay for me to go to MOPS.  I would love it.  We hung up and I looked up MOPS, I found a group near me and called to see about going-it was mid April and the year was almost over for them.  I cried when I hung up the phone with that groups coordinator.  They did not have room for me since I had twin 1 year olds.  Too many kids and not enough space.  I hurt so badly at that time.  I needed a community and this had sounded perfect.  Luckily my neighbor’s husband was on staff there and heard about me and helped me get signed up for the next year.  I went and knew that I was supposed to be in a group, but just still felt like I was missing something there-most of my table was missing each week , so I kind of still felt alone, but I could almost hear God telling me “keep going, you need this”.  When that group did not renew next year I called one of the other wives from my husbands unit.  I remembered her talking about her group.  I joined her group and my heart felt so full after the first few meetings!  I knew I was where I was supposed to be again.

Well since God was pushing me and pulling me to grow I ended up stepping up into the leadership in that group.  I helped put together their big fundraiser and being on leadership meant getting to go to the MOPS convention.  That one I said yes to not for the sake of God, but because it was in Florida and meant 3 days with other women and no kids!  Wow!  A vacation for ME?  I went and once again God found a way to work through me.  Throughout the convention I heard them talk about “No Mom Alone” and how we are meant to be with others and help God work in us and around us!  I cried most of that weekend.  I came home with a love for MOPS and a desire to be more involved.  I stayed in leadership and ended up sharing my testimony the next year.  The next convention God put a conviction in my heart to step up and help other women by joining the MOPS leadership as a coach.  To this day He amazes me when He calls me to step more and more out of my comfort zone.  

I am now the proud wife of an amazing man who shows me how precious I am to him.  I am also the mom of a beautiful high school senior who makes me so happy.  I am also homeschooling my 13 year old son and my twin 9 year old sons.  I always said I would never homeschool and then God softened my heart and opened doors that have been amazing.  God will open doors for you and hold your hand if you let Him.

I loved the break that I got when they went to school each day.  Then in February of 2013 something changed.  I was finding myself very stressed and upset that my youngest son was struggling and just not getting it at school.  We were spending 2-3 hours on homework and not seeing any improvements.  I decided over spring break to see how it would be if we tried homeschooling.  I pulled out the books I had from friends who homeschooled and we spent the week working on spelling, reading and math.  It was great. By the end of the week my son who would struggle with reading, writing and spelling was sitting and reading a book willingly.

So I prayed.  I had never wanted to homeschool at all.  It was not me!  I loved my time on my own.  Time to cook, clean and more without all 3 boys running around the house and my daughter at the high school.  I began to talk with friends and door after door opened.  A friend suggested I go see the homeschool program her friend used.  I loved it.  It was just what I was looking for.  I found a MOPS group that could accommodate me with homeschooling kids and I pulled them from public school at the end of the 2012-2013 school year.  In all of this, I continued to struggle and have had to truly lean in on God.  My husband’s job in San Antonio lost its funding and he had to move to Maryland at the beginning of our homeschool journey.  He has been in Maryland since October of 2013 and the job was finally funded there for an extended time.  We have had a lot of bumps along the way.  We are now getting comfortable with the homeschooling.   My 13 year old asked to be homeschooled when we began this journey and is thriving with the change.  The twins are doing great too.  My son who was truly struggling is going for Memory Master which is where they will quiz him on information from Latin, Timeline, History, English, Math, Science and Geography from the 24 weeks of school.  My son who had no confidence and struggled day in and day out with feeling stupid is now going for this!  I have found that handing this over to God and letting him lead has been amazing.  I am so lucky that He has blessed our family with this journey and am looking forward to seeing what the next year holds for our family.

Day Twelve – MOPs

MOPs! Mothers of Preschoolers! This remarkable group has changed my life. I joined MOPs three years ago just after my daughter was born mostly for something to do. By the end of the year I wanted to be more involved so I joined my second year as creative activities coordinator. This year I am the coordinator for our group and I can’t imagine my life without MOPs. I’m intending to have a whole boatload of kids anyway but if I wasn’t I might consider adding one to the family every 5 years just so I could stay in MOPs! Seriously, these ladies are encouraging and authentic. They also have spit up stains on their shirts, cheerios covering the floor of their cars, and finger smudges on their windows. It is a wonderful thing to be not alone in this time of life. This crazy, sleepless, sometimes lonely, beautiful time of life. I absolutely love my MOPs group.

Thursday Stories

Today’s story is from a fellow MOPs member, Abigail Castro. Her story hits close to home for me. I hope you are encouraged by her bravery!

Stories from San Antonio

When I think of my life I have had many opportunities to be brave for Jesus: sharing my faith with my peers and strangers, going on mission trips, financial giving, loss, the list continues. But I would have to say the situation I have had to be bravest and struggled with the most with Jesus would be with my fertility. Strangely enough my journey with infertility began with a pregnancy eight months after getting married, but quickly ended in miscarriage. I am one of five children and loved being a part of a large family, so naturally I have desired to have children of my own. Having a miscarriage was big loss for me. To lose a little life left me broken-hearted. We waited a few months and then began to try for another child. Six months – nothing, I wasn’t too worried. A year, nothing. Though I knew it could take time for some couples, I expected pregnancy to happen easily for me because all of my family members were very fertile. So every month that passed after a year, I became more anxious and turned more towards myself.

Finally we went to my doctor to investigate what may be causing me to not become pregnant. I had to have a surgery to rule out certain possibilities which led to the discovery that something unique was indeed occurring with my body. I have a unicorniate uterus which is half a uterus. This causes it to be difficult to become pregnant and hard to maintain a full pregnancy. This again worried me. I turned to my anxiety as if it gave me some sense of control. Researching my condition and trying to figure out how I could get pregnant became a daily routine. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant, which discouraged me. I compared my insides to their outsides and wondered if I would ever get pregnant or have children. My focus was more and more that I am broken and my body doesn’t work. I felt desperate. I struggled with culturally embedded messages that if only I were good enough I would get what I want and life would be easy. Even though I knew this was false, I still continued to fight these thoughts. It seemed every month that passed, the more desperate I felt. I wasn’t stopping to consider God might have something for me to learn during this time. But God graciously kept loving me and drawing me to him. One night while journaling, God spoke to me. He said, “Abigail, if I don’t give you a child will you still love me?” I cried and cried and said, “Though I would be sad Jesus, I would still love you.” To me, God wanted me to desire Him above all, love Him above all and change my focus. I wish after this incident I could say I surrendered it all, but that’s not true. I still clumsily muttled my way through my desire to have children and giving that desire to God and loving His heart first. As I mentioned before my focus was on me and what I could do.

After three years, I finally surrendered. I tried everything I could in my power. I applied for a teaching position and the morning of my interview I found out I was pregnant. Fear and excitement swept over me. I was excited about possibly having a child and afraid I would lose it. I decided that worrying wouldn’t really help me keep the baby and it would steal my joy. I had to be brave for Jesus and with Jesus. A verse that really calmed me during this pregnancy was Philippians 4:6-7 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” (New Living Bible Paraphrased) Every time I would feel fearful I would run to God, I had to do this daily! I had a beautiful baby boy nine weeks early which presented more struggles, but so much joy!

Parenthood is a whole new journey for me. I have hard times and easy wonderful times. I am learning that it is just one more area that God meets me and I can grow. In all, I am thankful for my struggle because in my struggles I grow closer to God. I was changed through this struggle and I learned more about my relationship with God, areas and ideas that God wanted to change in me. Jesus Christ saved me from the depths of my sin and made me free! I am able to know, learn, grow and love my brave Jesus through all life’s experiences. I will end with a verse from Romans 5:3-5 “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials for we know that they are good for us- they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady. Then, when that happens, we are able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” (New Living Bible Paraphrased)

My grandpa used to say, “Hun, thank God for the good and bad because he uses both for his glory.” He certainly does. He not only uses the good situations in our life but the bad to shape us, and make us more brave for Him and His purposes.

The Nails

Hey friends! As you know, I am heading to Madagascar on a mission trip next summer. While I am in Madagascar, I’ll be working alongside a wonderful woman of God, Domoina, who is a native to Madagascar. She and her husband serve the people in their area through Campus Crusade for Christ and MOPs. Domoina’s mission is to reach every woman from womb to widow with the gospel of Jesus. The original plan was for me to go this summer, but the funds didn’t come through. After much prayer and discussion, Domoina and I decided to postpone for one year. I was disheartened. I felt certain that God was calling me to go as soon as possible, and it seemed as though He had changed His mind. Today, though, I am thrilled that He shut the door for a moment. In this waiting period, God is doing great things!

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:1-3

This is definitely producing some perseverance in me! I heard about Madagascar and jumped. “How soon can I go? What do I need to do? How can I get there faster?” When I realized that God’s timing was different from mine, it put the whole thing in a new light. Of course God gets to decide when I go, it’s His trip that He’s using me on, not the other way around. It seemed so simple once that clicked, but, boy, it took me a while to get there. Trials produce perseverance, which leads to maturity and completeness. I needed the trial of waiting.

5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.
7 Philip answered him, “It would take more than half a year’s wages to buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”
8 Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, 9 “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”
10 Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). 11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
12 When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” 13 So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.
John 6:1-13

A second thing He is doing is bringing about the funds in unexpected ways. My first thought was to go to churches, big organizations, and other places that might have lots of money to send me all the way to Madagascar. I was thinking like Philip–practically. Practical isn’t bad. In fact, practical is usually a really good thing. But sometimes, the practical thing isn’t the wow thing, and God likes to do the wow thing. All of the churches and big organizations I approached had shut doors for various reasons–good reasons, too, like their missions budget for the fiscal year is already set. So I started praying for a boy with barley loaves and fish. God answered that prayer with independent consultants like Jamberry and Usborne. Last month, we did our first giveaway here at Mom’s Going through Usborne. This month, we get the opportunity to do another giveaway and fundraiser, this time through Jamberry. There will be a party next Saturday where 25% of retail value of all sales will go towards the trip! Enter below for a chance to win a free set of Jamberry Nails! Please help support this ministry and my trip and get some great looking nails along the way.

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I am so glad that His timing is better than mine!

Ends of the earth, here I come!

The Teens

Last Wednesday I was on a panel with two other moms at a Teen MOPS meeting. When I first heard about the opportunity, I jumped at it. I thought, “I can be an encouragement to them. I can give good advice and have all the answers.” That was a little silly but it’s what I thought.
Then the day drew closer, and I started to get nervous. What if I said something stupid? What if I give bad advice and ruin their lives? What if I get there and suddenly realize I put my underpants on the outside my jeans? Okay, that last question was very silly but it’s still what I thought.
The day finally arrived. I changed my outfit about 15 times because I wanted to have a good balance of approachableness and intelligence.  I couldn’t figure out how to look “cool” without looking silly, since I had obviously been thinking silly lately. I finally settled on something to wear, dropped my daughter off with a friend and headed to the alternative school where Teen MOPS meet, Dr. Pepper and Skittles close by for nerves. Once there, I prayed with the other two moms and we settled in to answer questions. There were four teen moms. This was not a room full of ladies with generalized questions that could be answered broadly. This was going to be an intimate discussion between us and them. The knots in my stomach tightened, although I think the other two moms were relieved we wouldn’t be on a stage with mics.
First question was asked. How do you get things done with a toddler underfoot and a growing to-do list? I could answer this one. I listen to relaxing music when I start to feel overwhelmed by all that needs to get done. It slows my heart rate and allows me to relax while cleaning or studying or whatever else I need to do. The other two moms each answered as well, and the Teen MOPS coordinator also made a suggestion. Whew, one question down. This wasn’t so bad. A few questions down the road, though, the dread returned. One of the girls shared a little bit of her story, and it broke my heart so that I had no words. I managed to push something out of my mouth that was almost certainly gibberish, but I saw some of the mentor moms nodding their head in agreement. I must have said something worthwhile. The mom to my left answered next, then the mom to my right, although I couldn’t tell you what they said because I was too busy trying to push little pieces of my heart back into a presentable state to hear them. Then BOOM. Another portion of another girl’s story. My shards that I’d just put back together lay on the floor again. I was absolutely floored by what this young woman was trying to navigate through.  My mouth opened and things started pouring out like a cup that had tumbled over on its side.  I had no idea what I was saying, but I was praying furiously in my mind. By then end of my little spiel, I had a piece of advice that sounded good. So I repeated it a couple of times.  Then once more for good measure. A few others tried to respond, but I think we were all so taken aback that anything we could say was inadequate. This girl needed a hug. I restrained myself from getting up and hugging her, although I wish I hadn’t now. Finally, time had come to close the meeting. We were each asked to share our brave since the MOPS theme for this year is “Be You, Bravely.”  While the mom to my left spoke about her brave, I wracked my brain trying to find something inspirational and wonderful and life-changing, but then everyone was looking at me. It was my turn. I again opened my mouth unsure of what might come out. I told them of how I was trying to be confidant in telling of my heartache about losing Leonard and Sam. I told them that if I can share my heartache with others, then others might be comfortable talking about their pain, too. And if we can do that, we can be real with each other. The mom to my right shared and then it was over.
There are so many things that have come to mind that I could have said that probably would have sounded better. I could have said things differently, and had more impact, and been more intentional. Basically, buzz words bounced around in my head afternoon.
But I’m done second guessing my words. Instead I’m trusting that God spoke to those young ladies somehow through myself and the other two moms with me. God is greater than my insecurities. He makes clear the fumbles that so often cloud my speech. He makes strong my weakness. And I am exceptionally grateful.

Thursday Stories

Merry Christmas! Today is Thursday which means it’s story time! Today’s writer is Ora Linville. This lady is one of the bravest people I know. I hope you are as encouraged by her story as I am!

Stories from San Antonio

Bravery. This is a word that I have heard so much in the past six months. Before that, it was a word that I never really thought much about. Thanks to the MOPS, International theme for 2014-2015, “Be You, Bravely,” I have had a lot of time to consider the topic of bravery.

Those of you who know and see me on a regular basis know that I have blue hair. Seriously. I decided to put the blue streaks in in early September. I have received a lot of comments from friends and strangers alike. Some of the comments are something like, “wow!! that’s so brave!” I think I have even said, “Oh, you know, just ‘Being me, Bravely!'” However, if I’m being honest, I don’t really think that was an act of bravery for me. Gutsy, maybe, but not really brave. Perhaps letting my gray hair come in without constantly covering it up would be more brave. But, seriously, I’m only 35 – I have plenty of time to bravely embrace my gray hair!

Some would define bravery as an absence of fear. When we think of bravery, we often think of the super heroes that we grew up watching. Not only do I think this is a wrong idea of what bravery is, I think it is dangerous. The truth is that we all face fear – the types and levels of fear are different for each of us, but it is something we all deal with in this life. Fear is often a good thing, and not usually something that we need to rid ourselves of in order to be brave.

As I have been thinking more about what bravery means for me, I’m coming to the conclusion that bravery can be seen in graciously living the life God has entrusted to me regardless of whether or not it has turned out the way I had envisioned it.

As all girls do, I spent much of my childhood dreaming of what my adult life would look like: A big house that cleaned itself (those would be invented by the time I was an adult, I was sure of it), a gorgeous husband who practically worshiped me, and two perfectly behaved children who never got dirty. No financial issues, no pain, no fears. In my mind, life was going to be perfect. I won’t say that I went into marriage with the same delusions of perfection, but I did have certain expectations as I buttoned up the white dress and slipped into my beaded white shoes. I was about to walk down the aisle and commit myself to one man for the rest of my life. We would exchange vows with the promise to love, honor and cherish each other until death do us part.

Little did I realize that my soon-to-be husband had expectations of what I would be as his wife, expectations that he did not share with me until after we started settling in to life together. I moved from Texas to North Carolina right after the wedding – away from my family, my friends, my church, and really my whole life. I didn’t question it. I was a wife, and this is what a wife does for her husband. As I settled in, I noticed some little things here and there that seemed odd – he did not like me having friends outside his sphere of influence, he would not let me join Bible Study Fellowship or any other study that wasn’t done at his church, he expected me to call his mother “Mom” because “she’s your mom now.” I also noticed that any time I brought up a theological concern, he would halt conversation with, “I’m your husband and the head of this house, so this is what we will believe.” This was in stark contrast to the many theological discussions we had before marriage. He went from my sweet, caring fiance to a hard and calloused husband almost overnight. Over the course of a few short months, I learned to not open my mouth and to just internalize every hateful thing that was said about me, my faith, or my family back in Texas.

About one year into our marriage, we traveled back to Texas to visit family. My family and friends did not recognize the person I had become. Before marriage, I was happy – I smiled, I laughed, and I had a sparkle in my eye. The woman that came back to visit was extremely quiet, looked down constantly, made an innocent joke and then quickly apologized to her husband for making it, and had little life in her at all. I will forever be thankful to my family and dear friends who pulled me aside, shared their concerns with me, and asked me what was really going on. They helped me see that I was being broken down through the hateful words and unreasonable restrictions.

I went back to North Carolina with many people praying for me. . I prayed that God would soften the heart of my husband. I truly believed that God’s will would include the healing of my broken marriage. I knew that I didn’t go into the marriage lightly. I was in this for life. Things didn’t get easier. Having had my eyes opened to the emotional and spiritual abuse that I was dealing with, I was able to resist the arrows of hate that were constantly launched at me. This resistance was met with more anger from my husband and his family. On June 4th, 2007, my husband came home from work particularly angry. He ate his dinner in silence and then started letting me know all the ways I had disappointed him that day. I remember standing up and telling him that I would not take the abuse any longer. He then started throwing anything he could get his hands on. Knowing that physical abuse would likely follow if I remained in the house, I packed a few things I would need overnight and walked out.

I. Walked. Out. This wasn’t what I wanted. This wasn’t what I had prayed for. This wasn’t how my life was suppose to go. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. However, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the right thing to do, and I stand behind that decision to this day. By March 2008, I was divorced. Divorced! As a young girl and even a newly-wed, I never could have imagined myself divorced.

I was scared out of my mind and I still did the brave thing when I walked out. God didn’t plan for me to stay married to my first husband – God had much bigger plans for me. I am so thankful that God’s ways are not always our ways! If things had gone my way, I would not be married to Michael today and I would not have my two precious children. I wish I could tell you that I have this brave thing all figured out and if you do x, y, and z, you’ll master it too. I still struggle with trust and bravery on a daily basis. Things rarely go the way I expect them to. Being brave is a process and the biggest step I can take is to give God the reigns every day and let Him drive. Maybe, just maybe I’m on my way to accepting my gray hair after all.

Thursday Stories

Hello all! It’s time for Thursday Stories again! We missed last week but the next couple of months are being prepped as you read this! Today’s brave story made a couple of tears leak out of my eyes. It is still very painful to recall my recent miscarriages. Thank you, Christy for sharing bravely! You can read her blog at butterbeesandbumbleflies.com

Stories from San Antonio

Being brave in Christ isn’t the easiest task I’ve ever been faced with. But what I have learned through being brave in Christ is that speaking (and writing) what I’m going through is incredibly healing. And that it brings life to those around me who may not have realized something vitally important – we are not alone. No man (or woman!) is an island. We CAN be found. God IS for us. And if He is for us, WHO can be against us?

 

Aly has taught me more about speaking up and sharing than she probably knows. Because just a couple of short months after I had Grayson, she had her first, and then second miscarriages. Though she carried each for a different amount of time than I carried our two angels, we have that pain in common.

 

Miscarriage is NOT something people speak boldly and bravely about. Women don’t typically come out and say, “hi, my name is Christy, I have had four pregnancies and two of my children are in Heaven.” No, miscarriage is something you don’t usually hear about until you go through it, and share with close friends. And then you start finding out how many people have been there before.

 

I really struggled emotionally. I leaned HEAVILY on my Bible study group, and on God. I questioned Him. I screamed at Him – both inside and out. I raved like a lunatic. And then, I learned to hope again. And then He took my third baby. I questioned Him. I screamed at Him – both inside and out. I raved like a lunatic – HOW ON EARTH could he take TWO babies away from me? Wasn’t it surely part of His plan to give us more than one earthly child? Hadn’t HE been the one to place this desire for multiple children in our hearts? WHY was He taking them away?

 

And then, I finally dared to hope again. We began to live our lives. And one day I very timidly took a test. And then we saw the flashing light of a beating heart on the monitor. And then we made it to 12 weeks. And then to 16. And it was a boy!! And then we made it the agonizingly long wait to 36 and he was kicking and growing and moving like a crazy man. We saw that all of his organs were perfect, and we breathed a sigh of relief. And then he arrived. Now, he’s six months old. It’s been a year and a month since our second baby would have been born. It’s been almost eleven months since our third baby would have been born.

 

And God has given me perspective. He has told me that He has great plans for Grayson’s life. THIS is the child we were meant to have on Earth. And THOSE are the children we lost for a purpose. Their short little microscopic lives HAVE PURPOSE. And meaning. They are not meant to be hidden away in the confines of a Mother and Father’s hearts. No, they are meant to be shared. I am meant to speak bravely and boldly. I’m supposed to tell them about my babies, and to give them the strength to be bold and share about theirs.

 

My grandmother lost three babies before she had my mom. But she didn’t give up. And I’m so very glad. Because if she had let one or two, or even all three miscarriages scare her away from trying desperately to have another healthy child, my mom, and subsequently me, and my children, would never have been born. Miscarriage is tough. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through in my life – twice. But it is NOT the end. And I’m so very glad every time I snuggle of my precious little boy, that we didn’t give up.

 

It’s my job to be a light and an encouragement to others. Miscarriage is NOT easy. The scars on a mother’s heart NEVER go away. But time can heal the pain, and provide perspective. I pray I’m always brave enough and bold enough to help others see His love – even through the tears that fall.

 

God, make me brave. Give me the words. And help me to always use them for Your Glory, and to encourage others.

Thursday Stories

Hello all! I hope you’ve enjoyed our Thursday stories. I know I have. This is our last one from Madagascar for a while but I hope to have more soon. If you have a story about being you bravely, let me know! I’d love to share your story!

Stories from Madagascar

Tatiana:

I joined the MOPS group 2 months ago. I am encouraged with the iniquity of each feather of the “be you bravely” theme-kit, (arrived and opened at the first time with all the members) looking at the different color, yellow, black, blue. I stop comparing and competiting with others. It is very difficult not to looking around me, and seeing other’s life, but God has His plan for me.

Pregnant of 7 months, with 2 children abandoned, single mom, I am not alone. I am encouraged, every members care of me, taking my baby 15 months who don’t walk yet, I am pregnant of 8 months, I have to decide to fly away my husband because he used to bit me because I cannot work and earn money anymore. Now, in Jesus I find hope, still depressed, I hope in Him.

The Parent

Do you ever feel like you are telling your kids to do something that you don’t do?

“Eat all your vegetables!” but you didn’t even put vegetables on your plate.
“Check your attitude!” you say in your best Oscar the Grouch voice.
“Get outside and exercise!” but you haven’t gone running since high school.

I have noticed myself doing this lately, and I find that I correct my daughter on things that bug me the most about myself. I literally just ate leftover pancakes for lunch, but my daughter had rice, mustard greens, and navy beans. I made her drink all of her water, too. I had Dr. Pepper. Also, I am not always the nicest person some mornings. I get grouchy. Not every morning, but sometimes. When my daughter wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, though, I correct her on that. I want her to wake up with a smile but I don’t have to? I think I see a problem here…

Let’s looks at Matthew 5 again. This passage keeps coming up in my life, so maybe I ought to take some note of it.

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.
¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; ¹⁵ nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. ¹⁶ Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

I have absolutely no reason to be grouchy in the morning. I have a warm bed that I wake up in every morning. My husband is snoring contentedly next to me. My daughter is in the next room. She may be crying or playing depending on her mood that day, but she’s there and she’s safe. I have an indoor bathroom. Even one generation ago, a significant number of Americans couldn’t say that. My kitchen is stocked with good, nutritious food. I don’t have to worry about whether or not I will have breakfast that morning. Instead I worry about whether to make pancakes, oatmeal, grits, toast, or just cut up some fresh fruit. I don’t mean to brag but I’ve got it pretty dang good, ya’ll!

One of the concerns that some people have had about my trip to Madagascar is the different culture. Currently, Madagascar is one of the 10 poorest countries in the world. The United States of America is on the other end of the scale, though. I understand that it’s different, but I can’t seem to wrap my mind around just how unalike these two countries are. The feeling is similar to when I learned how to multiply double digits. I understood the concept and I understood single digit multiplication, so I knew double digit multiplication was possible. I knew it was a thing, but I couldn’t get my mind to understand just what was involved in that until I actually put pencil to paper and did it myself. I think the same is going to be true about traveling to Madagascar: I understand the concept of a different culture, and I know that it is possible for people to live well and happily without all the modern conveniences, like sinks that are inside, but I don’t think I will understand what that truly means until I step off the plane and see Madagascar for myself. Until I live there for two weeks and interact with people. Eat, sleep, and drink they way they do. Live life with them. And I am thrilled to get to do that. If I am going to be a light for all men to see and glorify God, I need to check my attitude. Instead of waking up grouchy, I am going to start counting five good things every morning before I roll out of bed. I have it pretty good here, and in order to get ready to go to a place that is so significantly different from what I am used to, I need to start recognizing what I have.

The other side of that coin is knowing that I don’t really have what I have. All that I own is not mine. It has been entrusted to me by the Lord in order that I might use it to shine for Him. That knowledge helps me not worry about funds for my trip. He has $5,000. The money is no problem. Remember Philippians 4:19? “And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” God could have easily dropped whatever Paul and Timothy needed right into their laps. He’s God. He can do that. But instead, God prompted the church at Philippi to send resources to them, and then God blessed the church. That’s still true today, ya’ll. God could drop a plane ticket, cash for food, and some extra to bless the ministry already happening in Madagascar into my lap, but He hasn’t done that. He did that for the Israelites in the desert. He dropped manna into their laps daily. He could do it for me, but He hasn’t. I think that’s because God want to use you. So, if you would like to contribute to that, if you would like to allow God to use your resources to send me to Madagascar on His behalf, you can click here and donate. I don’t have any money raised yet, but I sure could use some. And please, share the link even if you’re not going to donate. Maybe you have a friend who will.

Ends of the earth, here I come!